What I Could Never Put In Words...

What my anxiety feels like. 

***warning it about to get real, not a fun upbeat post. Feel free to skip over this post***

I couldn't explain it because I wasn't sure what was going on at first. I was crying and getting hot and short of breath and I thought it was just because I was a little overwhelmed at work.
Then it started happening more, the smallest things would set me off. Stress is something I have always struggled with, stress over money, relationships, etc. you named it probably stressed about it. 

I started thinking maybe its not stress maybe its something more, but I could never put into words what was actually going on. Before I found my little slice of the interweb to share J & I's adventures and struggles I wrote down everything in an email draft not so I can look back at them and bring it on again but to get out what I was feeling at the time and try to make it stop... it never worked. 

Some of the things I wrote were like 
"Trying to just breathe. Just breathe. Just Breathe. That's what I keep telling myself at the moment."
or this one when I started to realize it was much more than stress
"Days like this just make me want to crawl back and bed in forget it happened. Its not anything that happens at work and I don't feel like I have control over it it just all comes on rushing in like a tidal wave. Its an overwhelming feeling and I don't know how to shake it. I get sick to my stomach, short of breath, eye well up with tears and I get massive headaches that I try to blame on my sinuses"

Then this week one of my favorite YouTubers posted a video that explains it all. I can not thank her enough for saying what other couldn't for helping me explain what I going through to my mom and J. 

Almost 100% of what she said in the short video is something I feel/have felt or a mindless twitch I'v noticed while trying to calm myself down. You don't really expect a girl(or guy) with a bubbly personality, ability to make people laugh and just always seem happy to suffer from the mental/emotional/physical pain of anxiety. 


Here is a link to Meghan Rienks channel for more videos to cheer you up after this post. Oh and the cooking tutorials so funny and her most recent money bread one.... Holy Deliciousness!